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But I kind of have to recommend it.

In hindsight, it was probably too aggressive. The night quickly became one of those nights when the brownout kicks in at 11ish, and by You try to avoid those nights.

Needless to say, no one was hooking up, and we all woke up in a daze on Oral massage Yonkers, with the hazy memories of all eating street meat outside of the apartment building just a few Oral massage Yonkers ago.

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I opened my phone to see what awful texts I sent former slam pieces and casual female acquaintances who I thought maybe lived in a mile radius. Pictures of smokeshow Asian women.

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This was a rub-and-tug place. Seeing all it kicked in a memory from the dormant parts of my alcohol-soaked brain: Oral massage Yonkers had all agreed to go to get massages. I brought up the conversation.

Oral massage Yonkers talked over the ramifications of half-drunkenly paying for sex. We got off the subway car and, using iPhones, we found a surprisingly nice storefront that said the name of the parlor. Kevin and I decided this was going to be a cash transaction and went to go find a nearby ATM.

After collecting the dirty money, we walked back to the parlor, met Dirk, and walked in. A pretty foxy receptionist waved us Oral massage Yonkers. Two of us Yonekrs wearing what we wore the night before.

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We all smelled like trunk liquor. No, we were not members. Please head to the locker room on your right.

The lockerrom was at the end of long hallway. That was definitely going to happen to us.

Instead, we walked in and were greeted by a pound hairy fat man bending over and exposing his asshole. A squat Latina woman stood in the locker room.

She handed us keys and told us to undress. I had the key beside the Tony Siragusa look-a-like.

We watched as the guys on the bench were led into another room, then we headed to the unoccupied area. My legs felt like I had just squatted Khloe Kardashian. I was called in first. Oral massage Yonkers

That same squat Latina woman, who spoke no English, took off my towel. I was a little perplexed by this development.

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Yonkwrs was not Women want sex Delphi Lucy Liu that I had been told to Oral massage Yonkers I was in a Oral massage Yonkers room with a disgusting rubber bed and an industrial strength hose in the middle of the floor. She pointed at me to lie down and began mssage warm water on me. Then she told me to flip and proceeded to do the same for the front.

After what felt like 15 minutes she pointed at me to stand, and dried me off Including the balls, which I thought was a nice touch.

I massags on a robe and opened the door, walking away pretty much convinced I had contracted syphilis from the rubber mat and wholly convinced that was the weirdest moment of my Oral massage Yonkers.

I walked down this candlelit hallway to where an Asian lady stood at the Oral massage Yonkers. She grabbed me by the hand.

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We walked up the stairs and into a massage room. Instead, this is what I think she was trying to say:.

She began by going at my back, hitting the nerve Oral massage Yonkers nicely and generally giving something that could be construed as a professional massage.

She kind of kept going back to the ass, though. Massage the left arm.

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Then hit the ass. The right arm, then the ass. It was excessive and, frankly, unprofessional.

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The technique was from a porn flick. Who are we kidding.

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Oral massage Yonkers she did really well, though, and after conferring with my two Bros afterward, did well for everyone, was this Orral of tickle thing she did on our feet. But it did the job.

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I looked down at my beer gut and generally unimpressive body. I think I looked very Oral massage Yonkers. She began vigorously pointing at my schlong. She put on classical music a strange touchthen pumped about Yknkers ounces of lotion on her hands. And she went at it.

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And I am not ashamed to admit I lasted as long as a kid on prom night. I laid back and looked up. After going Ynkers wash her hands, she kept the massage going on my shoulders, then did a head massage which, in hindsight, was disgusting. Finally, the hour was up. I walked back down the Oral massage Yonkers room.

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Dirk and Kevin were there. We sort of avoided eye contact, dressed, and got back on the subway.

Smushed beside a crowd of people, a girl struck up a conversation with me about the upcoming hurricane.