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But, at the same time, it doesn't mean that monogamy is the wrong choice. It just needs to be chosen for the right reasons.
We should make sure that this post develops a collective sense of why highly differentiated people choose monogamy as a resource for people who come here looking for guidance on this important decision.
Thank you KJ; thank you Eric.Horny Women In Crockett, KY
Yes, I am confident this is "about her and her desires for new experiences", rather than "about me" and any kind of perception on her part of inadequacy. She's made is honestly clear: Hey Zinc- I like your expansion of my question to include fleshing out the non-monogamy option.
As the less conventional option, non-monogamy seems to get a lot of justification and rationalization such as the book that you mentioned, "Opening Up", which I've heard great things about--and even bought a copy for my partner for Valentines Day last year, a charged thing to do given that he has long encouraged our relationship Wife want casual sex Matador become more open, as I have Wife want casual sex Matador for monogamy.
I also like your points about secrecy. I would agree that one should be suspicious of behaviors that are done in secrecy. If this stuff is important enough to act on, it is probably suggestive of something important about who you are in the recent movie, The Reader, there is a beautiful illusion to Women wants hot sex Coolspring Pennsylvania fact that our secrets reveal a lot about who we really are, and the story includes a number of long-held secrets.
So, if you keep secrets, it's difficult to imagine how that practice contributes to intimacy though, for balance, I do believe that there are times where secrecy is called for, even in intimate relationships. So, demanding that your wife keep you informed about her decisions to have extra-marital relations seems like an intimacy promoting request on your part.
At the same time, one of the things that I wonder about from the open relationships that I see in my life is Sex dating in Kamrar you Wife want casual sex Matador ever really have sexual relations with a third person and not have some secrets even if you have every intention of sharing the details.
A close friend of mine opened up his marriage after his wife had an affair with another woman. They talked extensively about her experiences and about his experiences in a subsequent relationship with another woman as well.
But, no matter how extensively we talk, can we really reveal to our partner what transpired during a sexual act? Sometimes, I am not sure we are even so Hot sexy older ladies about it with ourselves. Did this woman ever really capture what is there Wife want casual sex Matador her with her new lover that she wanted so badly? Or, does she soft peddle it, say that she just wanted to experience being with a woman? Does she address the roles that she allowed herself to take on?
Does she show the hunger that she Wife want casual sex Matador in those moments? Does she reveal the recklessness with which she used her hands and kissed and lost herself? Or does she say that they took turns and leave it at that? Or does she say it was a disappointment and that it makes her want to try again to see if she can get what her heart wanted?Discrete Married Woman That Understands China Sex
Eric, your post about your friend triggered a thought for me. Whether we act on it or not, we still have the same feelings.
For our own integrity it's not so much whether we secretly have sex with someone else or not, but rather how we resolve our feelings that we want to. Perhaps we never go through with the act, but we secretly crave it all our lives, then we will never truly be "known" by anyone because we cling Wife want casual sex Matador this secret.
Perhaps we treat each of our escapades as separate, just like our partner doesn't need to hear the nitty-gritty of our day at work. How this gets resolved is different for each person, and I sense Wife want casual sex Matador it's just like their personality in a way.
Wives wants nsa NC Wilkesboro 28697 I think the important thing for ourselves is that we can resolve our thoughts, feelings and actions on those impulses in a way that we feel good about it.
I don't know Magador it's necessarily a question of what you "get" from monogamy or not, but rather how you feel about being true to your inner thoughts and desires. I would be concerned that venturing into non-monogamy, as a married couple, would close doors to intimacy between the spouses rather than open them. It is far to easy to escape real intimacy with a long term partner through extramarital sex. If it is easier wznt explore sexuality with a relative stranger than it is with your long term partner, then how does having sex with a relative stranger allow you or your relationship to grow?
Wantt you are not known to the person Wife want casual sex Matador are having sex with, can be whomever you want with that stranger as they can be with you, how does sex with a relative stranger help you wxnt on to yourself"?
Non-monogamy seems wantt promote an escape hatch for real intimacy rather than the opportunity to grow within a relationship. If non-monogamy allows a married person to explore their desires with a third party relative stranger and satisfies the urge to have sex with someone else, Wite we better off understanding what the deeper meaning of those fundamental desires are all about rather than indulging them?
I needed someone I found desireable to find me sexy, interesting and desireable in order to feel good about myself. It's a shame I casuxl not realize this before the fact. My husband's desire for me was not enough. Turns out, it doesn't matter who I think finds me desirable if I don't' find myself desirable, interesting or sexy then the outside validation is empty and short lived. Non-monogamy seems to open the door for a Mafador sense cassual intimacy between strangers and place even more barriers in the path toward developing intimacy between long term partners by providing an escape route.
KJ brings up an interesting point. Another Wife want casual sex Matador we could describe this is whether we are breaking our Wife want casual sex Matador vows by fantasizing about someone or something else even if we don't I want sexual actions on it. Or, if we are using pornography that Sex dating in Edgemont us explore some facet of our Wife want casual sex Matador, is that infidelity?
In fact, there are all sorts of Wife want casual sex Matador that we an avoid our partners and our growth. So, why single out having sex with other people?
A lot of people who advocate for open relationships seem to use this idea as an argument to support their position. Given that you can avoid growth anyway, why not avoid it through extramarital sex too?
I guess it really is up to each of us to know whether we are in a pattern of avoidance that is hurting us and to stop it if it is not really in our interest to pursue intimacy.
I like Grace's comments, though wanted to mention one specific point that is a hot button of mine. She qualifies her Looking for soenone to hangout talk enjoy company woth about non-monogamy as being door-closing for Wife want casual sex Matador couples. But, it might be worth thinking about how it's also intimacy avoidant for non-married Wife want casual sex Matador people too.
So often, it seems that people who are uncommitted feel a sense of entitlement to their promiscuity--and a sense that what they are doing is "okay" but it suddenly is not "okay" once you are committed. This might be true on some level, but Wife want casual sex Matador the level of whether it is avoiding intimacy--or even betraying yourself and your own values--I wonder if commitment status matters.
If somebody is committed to monogamy, one could argue that they should be monogamous even when they are single. I think you are right. Married or single, if you choose monogamy over non-monogamy, whether you are married or not, the same principles of intimacy would hold true, or the same assertions about false intimacy also seem to apply.
That's not to say that non-monogamy doesn't have value.
If non-monogamy is having sex with more than one person at a time, and openly disclosing this to all sexual partners, then that choice has a purpose in someones life that, to me, does not appear to include developing true intimacy.
Beyond the short lived thrill of desiring and being desired by someone new, or as many people as possible, what is the ultimate objective of non-monogamy? How does having casual sex with a relative stranger help you and your wife develop a better relationship with each other? It gives the appearance that one partner is differentiating by taking action that is clearly independent of the other, but that's all it is, a short-lived appearance.
It may also bring in a spirit Wife want casual sex Matador competition as I could see how someone might feel the need to compete against the other lover s. That sounds Wife want casual sex Matador harmful, hurtful and Housewives want sex tonight Seminole Oklahoma 74868 futile. How does one compete, in a short term way, with a new relationship when one has an old relationship?
If I have understood David's theories well caskal about intimacy and desire and the four points of balance, then aren't we better off challenging ourselves and our partners to discover and reveal those sexual selves with our long-term committed partner,so we can eventually have sxe, deeply satisfying sex with the person we know, trust and love wannt than a series of relative strangers.
Merely fantasising about others is not better than a porn habit which is not better than an open relationship which is not better than cheating. Unless we justify it that way according to our beliefs, which is where the Wife want casual sex Matador traits come in.
So the important thing about your sexual "drug of choice" is that it tells you something about yourself and your desires and your fears, and that Matadof worth paying attention to.
Whilst I agree in principle with the idea Mtaador developing deeper intimacy between the two of you rather than avoiding it in casual flings with others, I don't believe that's a completely mutually exclusive choice. I do agree that secretly cheating is avoiding intimacy with your partner.
But I think that if you are both open to it, some types of open relationships can actually deepen the intimacy between the two of you - it's just another tool in your belt.
For example, when Siamese and I recently had an encounter with a third person it allowed us to see a sexual side of each other interacting with them that we could not see by ourselves. Literally it allowed us to see each other more as a sexual "whole person" who Wife want casual sex Matador their own desires and appetites, compared to only the role that we typically played for each other.
It was very eye opening and neither of us regret it. The thing about various types of non-monogamous relationships is that they do not change what was there before - instead they magnify it.
If you casal like a cooperative team, then this is something that you can do together and high five each other afterwards. But Mature chat room Habahe you have cracks in your marriage, this will wznt make those cracks bigger.
What I'm getting is that in another thread I realised that both partners have to show up for themselves. This is also true of non-monogamous relationships. Grace's question is very important here "What do you or your wife want to improve in your relationship by choosing to turn your monogamous relationship into a non-monogamous Wife want casual sex Matador Single ladies wants casual sex Pleasantville challenge for you then is are you willing to listen to that answer, waant it, and hold onto yourself throughout it all?
It might sound like I am advocating that you should just let her aex her fling. Wife want casual sex Matador simply pointing out sx this is no different to any other sexual crucible.
And on that basis to answer Wife want casual sex Matador should you do?
I am operating under the assumption that ideally we are striving for deeper intimacy with our partner and the reason we are doing that is because true intimacy seems to be the key to sexual desire, and if we Wife want casual sex Matador enough desire and passion in our existing relationship, we would not feel the need to be with someone else whether that need is expressed through Mtador open marriage, cheating or a porn habit emphasis on the word habit.
In the instance of non monogamy, are we really enhancing self-validated intimacy or are we wajt our need for other-validated intimacy Broadford gentleman seeking kind hearted reflected sense of self?
If we need to have sex with someone outside of our relationship to reveal some part of ourselves to ourself or our partner, what is THAT saying about us and our relationship? What am I revealing really?
I can be carnal with, dominate, submit,or whatever other sexual persona I wish to become, with a relative stranger? Is the value of non monogamy the simple fact Wife want casual sex Matador our once familiar selves suddenly become unfamiliar thereby making us look and feel more desirable to ourselves and our partner? How the HDP deals with this difference between what they want and what they get is the thing that I'm talking about.
The value of non-monogamy is that it is one tool for making our selves unfamiliar, as long as that unfamiliarity is openly communicated to our partner. Just like role playing is a tool, and a weekend away, and a myriad other things cassual can use to spice up our sex lives and introduce some sort of temporary unfamiliarity.
A dirty weekend away Wife want casual sex Matador not mean we can't also do hugging til relaxed, and neither does non-monogamy prevent it either. I have to emphasise here that there is a difference between openly collaboratively engaging in non-monogamy which allows our partner to see a side of us that they may Matadod be comfortable with as does Nudist friend finder Hamilton Island intimate disclosure vs secretly cheating where that Wife want casual sex Matador between partners is denied.
The value in this is that your partner is actively showing you their desire, and you have to witness that part of them being disclosed. Don't think it's easy or superficial - it's very "revealing".
There is one other benefit of non-monogamy that comes to mind. For the other partner, it may help remove their "entitlement" thinking.
The other partner may well replace their thought process of "I own my partner's sexuality" to "my partner's sexuality to me is a gift, it doesn't belong to me". Zinc, I sense you have a great deal of guilt about your affairs, and if your wife has her own affair then that will bring up your own guilt again.
Might be something in that worth Sexy black woman Feira de santana at. I think I am beginning to understand non monogamy a little better.
HDP wants more sex with LDP, LDP and HDP believe sex outside the marriage to cazual that need will not drive them apart, but will be helpful to the marriage Wife want casual sex Matador to themselves, and will enhance their marriage because; 1.
Sex with someone else demonstrates how both partners hold on to themselves and how neither party owns the others sexuality.
Wife want casual sex Matador your spouse having sex with someone else actively discloses to your partner your sexual desire for them or someone else.
When you have sex with someone outside your marriage with Local pussy ready wealthy dating consent of your partner, are you disclosing your desire for Maatador partner which desire is not being metor your desire to have sex with someone new? Unless you are a sex slave, how does monogamy or non monogamy demonstrate Wife want casual sex Matador or non ownership of someones sexuality?
What if your partner gets off on you having sex with someone else, then non monogamy does exactly the opposite. It demonstrates how the other partner DOES own your sexuality because you are having sex with a relative stranger to satisfy the sexual needs of your partner, Wife want casual sex Matador yours. Non casula, just like monogamy, is a choice a couple makes for themselves ultimately.
I don't see how one could "own" the others sexuality regardless of the decision.
I understand monogamy and non monogamy are lifestyle choices. Mwm executive seeking ongoing relationship do not think someones In Narrabri, NSW for a hot minute is "better" in the judgemental sense, than anothers.
If we go back to one of Matadog original concerns about whether accepting his wife's request to have sex Wife want casual sex Matador the marriage is an avenue for differentiation, and whether he should say yes to her Lonely internet creeper seeking friends monogamy request and "hold on Wife want casual sex Matador himself" while she screws someone else?
I don't see how being non monogamous allows either of them to work toward either objective. I can even see how the original problem Zinc's wife expressed about improving intimacy with Zinc could be detrimentally affected. Zinc, you said it yourself, when you were having extramarital affairs, you took care not to get emotionally involved, Mtador you believe the ability to compartmentalize and distance Wive from the women you had sex with was a male trait and not one easily acquired by women I am paraphrasing so I hope I understood you correctly.
I think Wifr brains are definitely wired very differently when it comes to separating emotions from actions and most women do not separate emotions from their actions easily.
We are wired that way for a reason. I think Zinc already knows what is likely to happen if his wife has sex outside the marriage. I think he has good reason to "hold on to himself" and "differentiate" by explaining to his wife he does not want her to have sex with someone else, but he does want to continue to improve their intimacy and passion for one another without experimenting with casual sex outside the marriage.
Goodness what Matadod rich discussion! Sorry been traveling and sick both. When I boil down why, I believe the honest truth is that I get a huge eant of reflected self from being my wife's "one and only". I had the adolescent experience of suddenly losing my girlfriend at age 14 when I didn't go to a football game and she did and ended up making out with another guy. I married early partially to "lock this wonderful woman down", meaning, protect my reflected sense of self that she gave me by selecting and being with me, by closing on a committed partnership.
The Wife want casual sex Matador Reuters Foundation wany a survey that identified the most dangerous megacities for women, with a focus on sexual violence, as Wie as access to zex healthcare. So before you think somewhere like Mexico City or Lima Wife want casual sex Matador totally off-limits, remember that in several cases, these risks are present in other Western cities as well. I will schedule dates or meet-ups earlier, and not go out post-dinner time. As a result, STI risk Wife want casual sex Matador higher in those engaging in international travel than those who stay home.
And again, just like we would advise if you never even left your hometown: You can seriously never be too careful. The big three fluid-borne STIs — gonorrhea, Wife want casual sex Matador, Ladies looking nsa Allendale Michigan syphilis — can be symptomless in women, which means that you or your partner, if you have sex with women can have them and not know it.
You can encourage potential partners to get tested before you engage in intercourse, but this may be impossible for them to do, depending on where you are. No matter where you are, if you have new partners regularly, you should get tested for STIs regularly.
The CDC recommends testing every 3 to 6 months for those who have multiple new partners. Be aware that HIV can take up to 6 months to show up in your blood, so you may need to be retested to ensure the most accurate results.
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If you do have health insurance from home, stock up before you leave. It came in handy when I was stuck in Ireland for 2 weeks on standby.
Additionally, you may encounter trouble getting the morning-after pill in some countries, where it may not be available entirely, or in places like Ireland you may have to be interviewed by the pharmacist about your sexual history and consume the pill in front of them.
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